Sex & Love NOW

Friday night my boy and I got all gussied up and headed out to Skin Tight Outta Sight's St.Valentine's Day show. Sadly, by the time we got to The Gladstone there were about 80,000 people inside already. Boo-urns. I wasn’t about to spend $30 so we could stand at the back and miss the good bits. I remembered that Now Magazine's Sex & Love party was about to start just down the road at the Spin Gallery, so we headed over to Dovercourt. After grabbing an espresso while we waited for the doors to open we headed upstairs for... Well, interesting times.

Those of you who've been to a Northbound Leather Fetish Night wouldn't have been surprised by much of what happened. There was a post where a young lady was getting spanked & whipped. There was a kissing booth that sadly remained unoccupied after about a half hour into the party. That was too bad, because I was going to try to get my boy drunk enough to get a kissing booth kiss from another boy-but I don't think we had enough money to get him -that- drunk. (It may not even be possible) They had several ladies doing pole dancing and there was a stripper cop guy wandering around who, during an admittedly impressive impromptu number in front of the sexy images being projected onto a blank wall (which was a very nice touch), showed everyone that he does not know how to touch a lady's private area. I winced. His touch seemed aggressive and almost angry. I know, I know, it was exaggerated for the show, but I suppose it could be compared to seeing a cartoon get kicked in the balls. No one got hurt, but you felt his pain. For the sake of girls' bathing suit areas and gay boys everywhere I hope that Cop Dude is at least predominately homosexual. I don't like stippers, let alone male stippers, but I must admit he was not hard on the eyes. He what I can only describe as a "Church Street Hot Bod". Well, almost. A few thousand more crunches would get him to Church Street status.

Some folks came dressed in stunning outfits while others left us wondering "What the F*#&!?!" One fabulous lady (who I believe is a local burlesque performer) glided around the party in her copper coloured evening gown and fur stole stealing hearts wherever she went. My boy couldn't help but compliment her on her grace and beauty. At the other end of the spectrum there was Pacman Guy. Whatever his "thing" was I didn't get it, but I have to give him props on his efforts. He was thoroughly crazy. I will also give him points on his makeup. He danced his ass off all night long and there didn't appear to be a sparkle out of place. But points and props aside, I really wanted to stab him.

EWWWW!!!!! The bus boy (35/40 year old man) who wandered around all night picking up bottles and glasses off the floor (no tables made finishing a drink a bit of a hassle) had the most horrific plumber’s crack. It was too awful for words. So, of course, I spent ages following his around trying to get a good shot of it. Awesome.

Major big ups go to a little guy Pacman Guy danced with near the end of the evening. Wow. Wow. Wow. He was amazing. Tiny, tight and talented. He was tearing shit up and I was astounded by the lack of jiggling. There wasn't a roll, dimple, fold or flaw on his body that I could see, and I was looking!!

Halfway through the evening I found a pair of bunny ears on the dance floor and in hindsight probably should have left them there, but what's the fun of getting wicked drunk if in hindsight you don't have at least ONE regret. Also, they made me feel supercute, even when they got all smooshed when I got beaned by the 6-foot inflatable penis being batted around the dance floor like a beach ball at a rock concert. (I picked up one of those back in my sex shop worker days. They're not as fun as you'd think. *bat bat bat* "Wow, it just stands right back up, eh? ha ha It's a giant penis. ha ha... Ok, I'm, done." I remember when I finally got sick of it sitting deflated in my livingroom [nothing worse then 6 feet of flaccid plastic] and gave it to my little brother. "Dude, you want this?" A look of awe came over his face, "Wh... ...Really?!") I don't remember exactly who it was, but some kind soul on the dance floor straightened my ears back out for me and I guess I just went on dancing!

There were people we loved and people we wanted murder. It was a great night. Oh, and how much do you love my purse?!?